We like to look good in the eyes of other people. One human feature that resides in all people, regardless of their gender, age and activities: we really want people to praise us, say pleasant words about us, to be proud of us, and to think about us warmly and kindly. There is a parable that says: “Praise me, and I’ll break the mountain.”
Similarly, we do not like to look “bad”. We do not like to be criticized; and we worry if no one admires our work. Many employees quit work because they feel that the manager does not appreciate them. When asked the question, “How do you know the manager doesn’t appreciate you?” The only answer is – “My manager often scolds me, and rarely praises me”.
No need to be loved by every one.
No matter what happens, the contents of a person should be the same: after an orange is cut, and is thrown against a wall, only orange juice should be seen.
YOU ARE NOT A TULA GINGERBREAD TO BE LIKED BY EVERY ONE
Example: Ballerina Anastasia Volochkova is hated by 40 million Russians, but she does not care, she lives as she thinks. The same with Ksenia Sobchak, but they have a healthy self-esteem.
Conflict of humanism and biblical principles.
Because we like to look good, we usualy take correction as punishment, or as a verdict. Instilled with humanistic ideas, we are ready to dance around people, just to not offend them, and we demand the same intention from others.
But God says, “Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline; therefore be zealous and repent” (Revelation 3:19).
How does God consider correction?
“For those whom the Lord loves He dicsiplines, and he scourges every son whom he receiveth” (Hebrews 12:6).
“Let the righteous smite me in kindness and reprove me; It is oil upon the head; Do not let my head refuse it, For still my prayer is against their wicked deeds” (Psalm 141:5).
A common reaction of the people ,
“I was trying “
“I wanted to do my best”
“Blame the situation, the circumstances, the system”
” Because of such circumstances, I had to do that “
PEOPLE AVOID RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR ACTIONS
We do not want to feel bad.
Example: A woman cooked a dinner for the family, set the table, and invited her husband when he came. Since her husband was drunk, he started a fight, and poured the hot soup in her face. After 15 years of suffering from such things, she finally lost her patience; she killed him with knife. This woman is sitting in jail, even though she did not want to do it.
Our actions always have consequences.
Punishement follow the crime. God sees the heart, may be God has already forgived her, but people can not forgive. It is the same as to say in court, “I did not want to that!”
It is important to take responsibility for your actions.
Even God judges us by our actions, not by our motives. IGNORANCE OF THE LAW HAS NO EXCUSE. Each of us needs to study to take responsibility for their actions.
The mentality excuses
Most people lookes for excuses rather than taking responsibility and admit their guilt. We do not like to be known as a bad person, it is more important for us to become comfirmed that we are good people.
Example: It comes from childhood. If a child fell down or was hurt, the mother would more likely say, “Oh, bad chair, let us punish chair! “The mother may be calming the child, but she is also hinting at something–to put the blame on the chair, removingresponsibility from the child by this way. Thus, the model of behavior of a man lays in childhood, according to which a child learns to shift responsibility from himself to someone else and find an excuse.
Habits to sweep waste under the carpet.
If a man is accustomed to shift responsibility from himself to others, it means that he: did not repent sincerely, did not go with God, and was not able to repent sincerely and ask for forgiveness.
There is no forgiveness without repentance. A man risks to die without repentance, and without forgiveness. Whatever happens, you need to walk with God in truth.
1 John 1:8-10 (NIV): “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.”
Example: An employee spoiled a shirt during washing. If a person does not confess his irresponsibility before God and the client, there will be no forgiveness and grace. Even if no one noticed, one should not to give thanks to God for that, but repent and lament before God.
If we do not have contrition in our heart, repentance, willingness to apologize and pay for the damages, it means that:
– We do not seek for inner purification,
– There is a dump within us,
– The priority is not to clean one’s conscience, not to live in truth and purity, not walk in the light, but to depend on what anyone says.
John 3:19-21 (NIV): “This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20 Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. 21 But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.“
Example: How King David walked with God.
David was “a man after God’s heart ” (1 Sam. 13:14) it is not an accident. His ability to repent and lament before God gave him special favor of God. He has done a lot of wrong acts, but his good attitude of heart to God always saved him.
We take correction as a verdict.
In our country if you say to a person that he is a naughty, it means to take him as a hopless person and then label him as a bad person. He was good in the eyes of all the people until he did something wrong, after that he automatically becomes bad. The reason is that we make evaluation of a person and not the situation.
Example: in the USSR fault was fatal if you repeatedly received lowest mark, then it would be very difficult for you to get an excellent mark, because you are already labelled a loser. Even if you did the work excellent the next time around, you are still not trusted. People may say, “It couldn’t be that you have written the test so well, you must have cheated”. It is difficult to break loose from this endless circle. This is confirmation about demonic system.
Why are people afraid to make corrections?
In order to not to get labelled negatively, we do not like to speak truth; which ultimately means a lack of love for the truth.
Example: Thoughts of people who leave this church was like that: “Why should we do Leadership schools tasks? We have been faithfull to Pastor Sunday for 15 years. Now you set us the same level with every one? – you are unjust, pastor!” They perceived that the pastor did not trust them.
Assessment act is not relevant to the person’s identity.
Not a man, but his acts are condemned and corrected. The mistake of many people is that when they correct people, they condemn their acts, but when they are corrected, they become afraid of their personality evaluation.
How many times should I forgive my brother?
Jesus answered to the Peter, the one had to forgive his brother seven times seventy (Mt.18: 21-22 ), but only on the condition of repentance and contrition. Man remains with his righteousness, even if he sins a million times per day, but repents sincerely. If a person is trying to cover up his sin, he is a sinner!
What is important about raising children?
If a child has done something wrong, you should not tell him, “If I ever see you do that again… “. This brings a desire to cover his fault, he will then make it priority that the parents don’t see what he does. Children begin to fear men more than God. This creates hypocrisy. It is necessary to correct a child, “If you repeat the same thing next time, you will have serious consequences, what you did was wrong”
Whom should we work at in the family?
It is important to work on ourselves, rather then on our partner. Usually, we are not taught this.
Do not be afraid to be unliked by others! Sometimes it is enough to be just respected.
people strong in principles,
people with character,
RESPECT THOSE WHO BRING BENEFITS
People are respected not because of beautiful eyes. When you become professional then you will be respected. No need to tell them,“I am a good person.”
Example: Once an owner of a large corporation were told by employees, “I work and work, but you never says good words…” , he replied: “My father praised me with “Well done” only once for ten years, when I brought a large company onto the stock exchange (even though it was a great achievement of those years).” Still, I did not hear single word of praise.
If you want people to think you as a good person, prove it with deeds,
Don’t bring us arguments for us to think you are a good person by saying, “I’m good, I did not mean to do that” – this is not enough, show us fruits.
What should you remember?
Jobs that are well done are always noticed and appreciated (even if not admired). Managers don’t have to praise you constantly, they has enough worries.
What should we do when we are criticized?
When you are criticized, you just have to take it and not make it into a personal tragedy.
Example: One manager responded after others criticized him: “This also what you get paid money for.”
We do not know how we get our managers sometimes we are not told about that. If you did everything well, did the best of your abilities, then you do not need praise and it will catch you up, even if it takes many years.
“Is your goal to get praise? Most likely you get it, if you will work hard enough. But do not be surprised or upset when some guy who just went ahead and did what he thought necessary, not thinking about honors, will be able to hang on his chest more medals than you were able with all your efforts, and will take your medals also” (Bruce Barton (1886-1967) was an American writer, copywriter, businessman, congressman, philanthropist, one of the leaders and founders of the largest advertising agency BBDO).
“Do not be afraid to make mistakes, do not be afraid to experiment, do not afraid to work hard. Perhaps you do not succeed, perhaps circumstances will be stronger than you, but later if you will not try, you will be sad and sorry for that you have not tried. Because if you try it, you have two options: either succeed or not. And if you will do nothing, then only one option. So do not be afraid. Do it! Try! Work! Learn! “(Evgeny Kaspersky (1965), the Russian programmer, one of the world’s leading experts in the field of information security).
1. Read the book of Pastor Sunday “What chess players are respected for, or how to learn to think ” and evaluate how many times it should be read in order to live by its principles. Then do it.
2. “I did not mean to do that! I’m a good person!” How does it show up in your life?
3. How do you feel about correction, comments, criticism, and punishment? What is the right reaction?
4. Why do we often take a correction as a verdict?
5. According to Heb. 12:6, Ps. 141:5 what does God think about correction?
6. ” I was trying! I wanted to do my best! It happened accidently” – is a proof of lack of love to the truth. Prove why.
7. The story about “Oh, poor chair! Let us punish the chair. “What’s wrong with that? How does it affect the future life of a child when he grows up?
8. Why, despite all the mistakes, failures and sins of David, did God continue to forgive, pardon, and call him a man after His own heart?
9. The situation, when Pastor’s jacket was spoiled, and then he gave money for a dress for the woman who did it. What was Pastor Sunday trying to teach? Which lessons did you take from this story?
10. ” I want you to respect me!” What are people respected for? What is the difference between love and respect?
Leadership School #7
October 8, 2013 in Kiev
Press service of the Embassy of Godchurch
Translated by Anna Krets
Edited by Philip Isaacs