“Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.”
1 Corinthians 7:3, NKJV
Family: behind-the-scenes- husbands and wives- men and women. This topic is always an interesting and important part of our lives. The answers to the questions: “How to be successful in choosing a future spouse? How to stay together and prevent divorce? How can we understand each other? How to serve each other and how to serve others together?” will help to save people from unnecessary tears, experiences and mistakes. Let us look closer at some of them, because the truth about the family: behind-the-scenes will save from contact with unworthy men and women. Let’s start with men. In order to assess a future husband according to the scale of man’s values the girl must be familiar with the variety of types of men. Here’s a collection of the most common patterns of male behavior and comments on what perspectives await a girl if she marries such a man.
(extract from the book “How to get married successfully”)
One-day Man. This kind of man is immature, unstable and unjust. He does not keep his word: he promises to call then disappears for a week, makes an appointment, but cancels it. If such a man becomes your husband, he will eventually become a one-day-man as he will appear in the family like a celebrity, rarely and briefly.
“So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church” (Ephesians 5:28-29)
Man for bed or macho man. This type of man is most familiar to women thanks to extensive promotion through literature and cinema. The irony of life is that, knowing the danger and futility of the relationship with these men, women are still drawn to them and are attracted to them like moths to the light; and this is simply because the macho man resembles what they envision a real man to be; self-confident, a little relaxed, he may seem romantic, not necessarily handsome, but definitely an expert on the psychology of women, who can find the key to a thin woman’s soul. Unfortunately, the soul of the woman is the last thing he actually longs for. The pathological inability to devote himself to a relationship with only one woman does not stop an alpha male from creating a family. However, if you’re “lucky” to become the wife of such a man, you will spend all your life wondering where and with whom your husband is sleeping at any given moment.
Couch potato.He is economic and enterprising. Among this type businessmen can be found. He looks like a promising husband, as he is focused on supporting his family. The problem is that he considers this to be his sole duty. His initiative and participation in the life of his family is limited to this. If you marry such a man, he will either constantly be absent from home as he is constantly out making money, or he will lie on the couch like a log when he comes home, because he already made money, and everything needed has been bought, money has been given to his wife, so he thinks that he has fulfilled all his obligations.
“For whether is greater, he that sitteth at meat, or he that serveth? is not he that sitteth at meat? but I am among you as he that serveth.(Luke 22:25-27)
Workaholic.Among all the priorities in his life he ranks his work as primary. It does not really matter whether such a man has “his lifetime project”. He can work as a mechanic, but he gives himself up to the problems on the job and does not really participate in family affairs either morally or physically. In the future he has a tendency to become a “night husband,” i.e. a man who comes home late at night when the family is already asleep.
Guest. He may be a good person and have some positive qualities necessary for building a good family, but he does not consider it necessary to use them. He is relaxed, low in motivation , does not want to any hassles or challenges and simply “agrees” to have the relationship. This is often caused by inflated self-esteem. He believes that he is too good, and everyone who’s around him is extremely lucky to be in his life. When he does appear, he expects congratulations and fireworks.
There is also another kind of Guest: a regular guy with no special requests and conceit. However because of the callousness of his soul, misconceptions about the model of the family, lack of interest in his wife or becoming tired of the relationship, he being your husband can live in a different city (e.g. travel for work), in different houses (live in a summer house), or appear and disappear because he travels around the country or the world on all kinds of tours (e.g. symphony orchestra or the brigade plumbers). If you marry him, you will get what is called a “guest marriage”: two spouses who see each other so rarely that when they meet this day could be called a special day; a day for celebration. However, I don’t think that you dream of such kind a marriage.
Aggressive man. Beware! Dangerous type! He may be hiding behind the mask of caring and deceptively nice boyfriend, but he is not able to pretend for a long time and sooner or later he will show his true nature. It is important to observe a man for a long time to see him in a various situations, especially force majeure, ones. The aggressor can be identified by his attitude towards others. If he is gentle towards you, but angry with the whole world, do not deceive yourself; when you become his wife you will join the general category and he will let of his steam on you. Aggressors ruin and destroy the lives of women. The vast majority of them become dictators; using their power, they make women the object of their self-affirmation. They constantly cheat, drink, beat their wives, often divorce and give birth to children but fail to take responsibility for them.
The truth:“let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself” (Ephesians 5:33)
The tyrant or dictator (should not be confused with the aggressor). He differs from the aggressor in that his unhealthy nature is shown not to all, except to those people who to a greater or lesser degree depend on him (subordinates, relatives, or children). All the unhealthy tendencies of a tyrant abound in the family. He likes to keep his family in emotional stress; suppressing them and creating a victim complex in the minds of those who are psychologically vulnerable to him (wife, children). He does not act directly, but secretly; not immediately, but gradually. It’s a more cruel version of the “aggressor”. It is difficult to detect because the tyrant does not behave aggressively or openly for years and can hide his true nature for this length of time. His aggression is not external, but internal; psychological, sophisticated. He is completely alien to empathy. If a man takes up a leadership position or runs his own business, you should observe how he communicates with his subordinates so you can check his level of dictatorship. “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” (Colothians 3:19)
Timid boy or “sissy”. As a rule this type of man is formed from a boy who grew up without a father. This is possible even with a father who is still alive. The father could be physically present in the family, but not relate to his son. Sometimes this is even worse than if a boy was growing up as an orphan. Sissies grow up angry at the whole world, feeling cut off from their father. He has no experience of male behavior; he does not know how to “be a man” and does not understand how to build relationships with his own children. His features: quiet, stoic, phlegmatic or melancholic, insecure, weak. Deep inside he is goody-goody who is hiding under the wing of his mother.
Man:Father. An example of a real man. This is the only Mr. Right whom you want to marry. The main difference in this type from the rest is that he takes the responsibility not only for his own life, but also for that of his wife.
What are the types of women
(excerpt from the book “How to be a good wife”)
We have reviewed the types of men, and now let’s have a look at the types of women.
Wife-saw.She constantly criticizes and complains. The more and the longer such things are said to her husband, the faster he becomes indifferent. And when the man is indifferent, he loves less. This is the fastest way to kill the passion in the relationship and make the husband a loser.
…the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping...and a prudent wife is from the LORD.(Proverbs 19:13-14)
The wife- the keeper of the family fire.She is the one that keeps daily graft, kitchen and children. Typically, such women are not living up to their true potential. They are busy all around, except for themselves. Their appearance is catch-as-catch-can,. The most important thing is that everyone is fed. It is dangerous to be a keeper of the fire, it is important to be a self-developing personality. For example: set goals for self-improvement to learn English, to get driving a license, to take courses on interesting subjects and most importantly, to keep being interesting for her husband. The woman is a creator! Start to create yourself, your appearance, your zing, something for which you would be loved by your husband, and no one will ever attract him more than you.
Wife-viper in the bosom: may be notable for particular anger towards everything that surrounds her, especially to those who go after something that belongs to her, such as her husband. She is an insidious, ungrateful woman, who only suppresses any desire of her husband, complains all the time and does not give warmth and tenderness to her husband. Often, this type of expression is used by the friends of her husband, who feel an unfriendly disposition towards themselves, as she sees them as enemies, and does not let her husband hang out with them because she believes that he belongs only to her. She does not consider his need for communication and that he might want to see his family; she believes that she can replace all his loved ones. “A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.” (Proverbs 12:4)
Wife: spendthrift. Such women do not maintain the family budget reasonably, but rather spend money unwisely, buy what they need and do not need. They live beyond their means and any conversations about the finances of the family are interpreted insolvency of a husband, his inability to provide for his family.
As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.(Proverbs 11:22)
Wife: Queen.This kind of wife is distinguished by her special desire to keep abreast of the latest fashion trends which relates not only clothes, but also the norms and etiquette. This type of woman can spend hours on her appearance and meet her husband as a picture from a glossy magazine, but will not offer him dinner. Of course, it is important for a man to see his wife as a queen, but care and affection are much more important and he expects this from his loving wife when he gets home. As they say, “prettiness makes no pottage!”. A wife-Queen pleases not only her husband, usually the husband treats her like a trophy in front of his friends and acquaintances, thereby supporting his position as a macho man in the society. Therefore, if both partners are satisfied with their roles and behavior, it may be a happy marriage for both of them.
Wife-Personality She skillfully balances in her “wardrobe” of personality: attraction, care, comfort and grace, thus is independent of the man, does not control, but trusts, does not insist, but offers, does not criticize, but covers with love. Such a woman is always interesting to her husband no matter how long they have been married: 5 years or 50.
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.(Proverbs 18:22)
If you want to have a happy family life, you have to figure out the “family’ behind-the-scenes”: the typology of men and women, their psychology, learn how to build and maintain a proper relationship and so on. “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” (1 Corinthians 11:3)
I wish you have great happiness and order in your family’ behind-the-scenes!
Senior Pastor of the Embassy of the Blessed Kingdom of God for All Nations
For a more in-depth study of this topic we advise that you work through the following books:“How to be a good wife,” “How to be a good husband,” “How to get married successfully” “I am!! – A Man”, “Habits of successful and honorable men” by “UNIVERSITY OF LIFE.
P.S. Directions for prayers in solitude:
1) For a unified, prosperous, peaceful, developed, ruled by God Ukraine.
2) For salvation, deliverance, release of thousands of people through the University of Life and other projects.
3) For Pastor Sunday Adelaja as the carrier of God’s reference to Ukraine and all over the world, for the Apostolic Council and leaders.