The reason for most offences, disagreements and quarrels in a family is that we expect too much of those who are close to us. And when we do not get what we expected from those loved ones we think that we have a right to be offended. The right to start quarrels and disagreements.
1.Do you have somebody in your family, work, church or society to whom YOU have unrealistic expectations? □ YES □ NO
2.In YOUR family do YOU expect more from those close to you than you are willing to give them? □ YES □ NO
How we relate to our church family tends to be a reflection of how we relate to our biological families
3. Do you tend to feel that somebody in church, family etc. owes you something? □ YES □ NO
Why do we fall out with family members? An enemy, or someone with whom we fall out, is someone who impedes the achievement of a goal. The cause of this is selfishness.
4. Do YOU have animosity towards any of your family members, members of your church? Do you consider them your enemies thinking they prevent YOU from the achievement of your goal? □ YES □ NO
A man gets married because he wants his needs to be met. A woman gets married also expecting that her husband will bring solutions to all her problems. When two egoists meet, conflict of interests takes place.
5. In getting married, are you more worried about your needs being met by your spouse than you are concerned with meeting theirs? □ YES □ NO
6. Why do YOU want a baby? Make sure you are not having a baby for the “fun” part of it. □ YES □ NO
“Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.” – Romans 15:2
7.In YOUR opinion what is really driving YOU to get married and have children? Isn’t it personal satisfaction and selfishness? □ YES □ NO
“But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.”Jeremiah 17:7
8. Do you feel offence towards other people? Is this not the result of unfulfilled expectation? □ YES □ NO
The way to fight against selfishness:
First – change yourself.
Subdue your desires and demands on other people. Conquer your pride. Do not think that the whole world must revolve around you. Have the ability to accept your shortcomings by asking for forgiveness. Be disciplined and respectful. Have self control. Help your wife in housekeeping and with the rearing of the children. Do not seek to control each other; give each other space for personal fulfillment. Apply two key rules for relationships in your family: 1.”NOBODY OWES ME ANYTHING! 2. I AM OBLIGED TO GIVE LOVE, ATTENTION AND CARE TO ALL PEOPLE.”
9. Are YOU ready to minimize your expectations, desires and lusts in relation to others? Are you ready to give attention and care to everyone around you? □ YES □ NO
Secondly – submit to God. Do not live for yourself. Be constantly seeking ways to praise God. Live by goals, not by comfort. Sacrifice calmly, crucify your flesh. Go against the stream and mediocrity. Choose a challenging path leading to life. Do not react based on the opinion of the majority, but react only on the basis of God’s opinion. Do not look to other people as the source of your blessings. Rely totally on God and trust God in all situations.
10. Are You the type of person who does not hog the blanket for himself, who does not live for himself? One who has subdued himself unto God and makes Him first place in his life, always looking for ways to please Him? □ YES □ NO
When a person primarily seeks the Kingdom of God, everything will be added to him.
11. Are YOU ready to live seeking first and foremost the Kingdom of God, doing everything for the Kingdom of God and submitting your interests to the interests of the Kingdom of GOD? □ YES □ NO
By living for God a person saves himself from the risk of taking the throne that belongs only to God.
12. Do all YOUR problems occur only because God is not the ruler of YOUR life? □ YES □ NO
When a person sits on the throne of his life he is like a vampire in that he sucks out the vital substances of those around him in order to please himself and satisfy his needs.
13. Do You agree that egoism turns a person into vampire who sucks out the blood of loved ones? Sucking their lifeblood out for the sake of pleasing himself? □ YES □ NO
If your family members become your enemies it is because you have annoyed them by your selfishness or placed them on the throne of your life by worshipping them.
14. Do YOU agree that enmity in a family usually arises due to idolization of others or your egoism? □ YES □ NO
“This is what the LORD says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD.” Jeremiah 17:5
15. In YOUR life, have you placed unrealistic demands on others? □ YES □ NO
If a person is offended and bears grudges against others, it is a sign that his RELATIONSHIP WITH THE CREATOR IS DESTROYED.
16.If a person is offended and bears a grudge against someone it says that this person lives for himself. □ YES □ NO
17. If YOU are accustomed to getting offended at others for your failure, is it not possible that YOU could reach the point where you would accuse God when something does not go according to your expectations? □ YES □ NO
The heart that has not been delivered from offence will eventually create disastrous consequences: initially, it will be our relatives, spouse, children who are all guilty because they do not take care of us, then God Himself will become the bad one.
18. Have YOU experienced the chain of offences and accusation towards your spouse, relatives, friends and eventually God Himself? □ YES □ NO
If a person comes to church, but is not being changed and is still the master of his own life then he will decide that God OWES him something.
19. Do YOU expect that through your relationship with God, He must meet YOUR needs and answer your prayers? it Is this not proof of your self-worship? □ YES □ NO
God is not governed by any person. He created a man and knows what he needs, as well as what can be dangerous for him and when. An individual, having not received an answer for his needs, begins to murmur, complain and accuse his Creator: THIS IS AN ATTACK AND REBELLION AGAINST GOD; and as a result a person may leave a church and even lose his salvation.
20. Are YOU familiar with the trajectory of fall when a person at the beginning tries to manipulate others by accusing them and justifying himself, and in the end he accuses God? □ YES □ NO
Rebellion against God is often demonstrated through attacks and murmuring against His ministers.
21. Do YOU have offence and murmur against leaders, pastors and other God’s ministers? □ YES □ NO
Between these two life philosophies: 1. Living for yourself or:
2. Doing good for people, bringing them happiness and joy, LET’S CHOOSE THE SECOND ONE.
22. In YOUR opinion who is in the center of YOUR life – GOD? Or are YOUstill living for yourself? □ YES □ NO
We will not have offences, quarrels and disagreements in our families if we demonstrate the true meaning of our life – love God and our neighbor selflessly. It means to serve God through ministry to God.
23. Every day I live according to the following statement: it is not possible to love God without loving people, serve God without serving people, nor praise God without celebrating people. □ YES □ NO
Serving, loving and helping people must become the essence of our life, and it must be revealed in our actions.
“The loving heart will always find someone to love..” (T. Semirdjan). If a person does not do good and make himself useful to other people, he does not love God.
“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21
24. Do YOU have offences, irritations or quarrels in your family? Do you realize that they can kill and destroy those who are close to you? □ YES □ NO
The words: “I do not want to hear, listen or see (co-worker, brother, sister so and so..) I do not show aggression towards him, but do not want to have anything in common with him”, – mean that hatred is dwelling in our heart. This leads to death and destruction in the lives of other people.
25.Do YOU have offence in your life? Aggression and hatred towards other people which is murder of these people? □ YES □ NO
The thoughts that we allow towards other people will eventually come back to us and we will reap all the injustice that we have sown into the lives of other people.
26. Do YOU know that all wrong thoughts, judgment and accusations of other people launch the process of sickness and destruction in YOUR own body? □ YES □ NO
27. Is it difficult for me to forgive a person because I do not wish to have friendly relations with him? □ YES □ NO
It is necessary to show tough love towards some people which allows punishment for the purpose of correction, not to destroy. “Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.” Proverbs19:18
28. Do YOU agree that it is possible to love a person and punish him at the same time? □ YES □ NO
Always remember the words of wise Nelson Mandela: “It is too easy to break down and destroy. The heroes are those who make peace and build.” Become a hero in your circle.
Having answered all questions, count the collected quantity of points according to the following table.
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | |
| YEs | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 2 |
| NO | 2 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 1 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 1 | 2 | 2 | 1 | 2 | 1 |
YOUR RESULT ACCORDING TO THE SUM OF COLLECTED POINTS
1-43 points Dear friend! Thank you for taking part in our test. BE VERY ATTENTIVE to what you hear. The collected sum of points indicates that you have unrealistic expectations of those who surround you. You think that someone owes you something, and when something does not go the way you expected you get disappointed and start to condemn other people for your failures and problems. As a result, you murmur, become discontent, display distrust, take offence, stir up quarrels and disagreements that destroy not only the lives of those close to you, but your own. It is evidence of your selfishness and that “I” is in the center of your life, not God. But do not despair, there is a way out. Start working on yourself. Make a permanent decision once and for all that nobody owes you anything. Minimize your expectations towards other people. Give yourself to them more and more not demanding anything in return. Live for God and people, meet people’s needs, rejoice in their success. Then you will understand that in making others happy, you will be happy. First of all seek the Kingdom of God, subdue your interests to the interests of the Kingdom of God.
For a deeper studying we recommend you read the books: “Honour is the way to greatness”, “Thankful heart”, “All conquering love”, “You and your pastor”.
44-56 points – Dear participant of the test! The collected sum of points indicates that You have the right understanding of values and principles of relationships with those around you. You estimate yourself and the abilities of others objectively, yet not idolizing them. That is why you minimized your expectations towards others, and you are the person who does not hog the blanket for yourself. You do not allow negative thoughts and emotions towards other people to take root in your heart, and you are ready to love and give attention to those who are close to you. Continue to grow in love towards God and people accepting people with all their shortcomings. In loving people you love God, in serving people you serve God, in honouring people you honour God. May it become the motto of your life. Remain a source of love, joy and peace to those who surround you. Share your life values with your friends. In order to help you fully develop yourself we recommend you read the books: “Hello! I am looking for problems”, “Instruction to the great life”, “Honour is the way to greatness”, “How to live one hundred percent”.
Wishing you happiness, peace and mutual understanding in your families!
The Senior Pastor of the Embassy of the Blessed Kingdom of God for All Nations,
Sunday Adelaja
